List of Unusual Deaths

On teh Wiki, so you know they are all true.

You guys get two posts today because I’ve been super busy IRL and ignoring the most incredible blog in the entire universe.

Half-Life Gun Piano

Ran across this today and it was too cool for school. Great vid and an amusing post as well.

You’re welcome, internet.

The Internet is full of unfunny jerks and child abuse.

Maybe all you internet geeks netizens missed the class in elementary school where they explained the difference between what was funny and what was a disturbing cry for help/ and or attention.

Let me reeducate you here and now.

Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” skit = funny

Ask a Ninja = funny

This garbage?

Not funny at all.

I think the reasons are abundantly clear, but for those of you out there who are too obtuse to keep from forwarding this crap to my inbox, I’ll elaborate.

You see, children have no reasoning skills and cannot differentiate between a deadly choking hazard and tasty snack. The plush duck (gruesomely strung up by it’s feathered neck) clearly has eyes that pose a significant choking risk to small children and tired, hungry adults. And by the looks of things these death balls eyes are not securely attached to the toy. No parent in their right mind should leave their child alone with this fluffy instrument of death and destruction, let alone joke about it on the internet.

So, the next time you want to duct tape your kid to a wall and take a picture for your blog, remember to keep all choking hazards at least 7 to 10 feet away from them.

Infant mortality is no joking matter.

Dear God, Make it Stop

Apologies for not updating this blog in a bit. I have been sick. And I don’t mean sick as cool, I mean sick as in ill. And by ill, I don’t mean cool, I mean passed out with my head on a toilet shaking with feverish chills and doing battle with long suppressed and unpleasant memories of Junior High School.

Well, now my wits are firmly about me and my formative years are firmly locked in the dungeon of my subconscious and I have bad websites to rant about.

For instance – LOOK AT THIS MONSTROSITY!

From the nauseating background to the spinning hearts, this page screams DELETE ME!

And the self-referential text tries to play itself off as cool and above the black hearted chaos of the site, but even that is poorly played out and dated.

Quoting from the page:

the truth is…. this page hasn’t been updated since july the 1st, 1999, and it’s now feb 19th 2002. and unfortunately, i deleted all the tragic crap that was on here. too bad, because i’m sure that would have been prime time entertainment right now!!

The extra exclamation point really sells it. Well, that and the junk link they threw in at the bottom. Real classy, baby. Real freaking classy.

Attention geocities: you are sullying the internets and wasting my time. These pages should be deleted and forgotten by all parties involved, much like my time spent getting beaten up in Junior High School.